Seriously? Really I thought, as my husband was telling me
that he had, had enough of my grumpiness. He said that something isn’t right with
me, I want the happy and smiling lisa back. (rolling my eyes because that’s
easier than crying) and thinking to myself, easier said than done, and by the
way if you would do this and this and this I would be happier, or if this and
this and this wasn’t going on I could be happier. That also didn’t work in fact
my thoughts were the root of my unhappiness. It was time to change.
So talking to some medical professionals, they recommended
that maybe a therapist would help me begin to see a better side to life, then
my glass half empty pessimistic side to life, where as I had always been the
optimistic person that always saw the bright side of things, even when what
seemed like having faith that everything will work out was just enough, I wasn’t
feeling that anymore.
Don’t get me wrong I still had lots of faith, just not in
the current every day things, and nothing would make me feel happy. It was as
if I didn’t want to feel sorrow so I didn’t care if I had any joy. I believe
you can live that life and still be you and do the things that you want to do.
what I have realized is that there is so
much more to life than you’re self or I
could know, and for me it started with positive thinking.
I needed to retrain
how I thought, and no medicine could do that. I just want to write about how
one simple thing (ok not so simple ) has begun to change my life in a beautiful
way I never thought could be. I realized life is full of tender mercies from
our Heavenly Father, and that life can be so much richer than we could ever
known, if you work hard at finding your happiness.
I thought happiness was something more physical like new
scrapbook supplies or something new for our house. It wasn’t in fact, we were
swimming in clutter and stuff and I didn’t even realize it. Now looking back
happiness for me is a husband that comes home every night and my kids running
to give him a hug. (that happens once in a while.) a far cry from what I
thought happiness was 8 months ago.
How did I come to the conclusion without an intervention? Lots
of soul searching. And lots of prayers and conversations with friends, I am
sure my friends sometimes screened their phone calls when they saw that it was me (I know I would have it was
me.) Thank heaven for awesome family members and friends.
I am a fairly independent person, I like to solve my own
problems, and I don’t really like having people telling me what to do. So a therapist
sounded like an ok whatever thing to do to help the “lisa cause.” I did felt
broken and that I needed to be fixed. I still feel that way. When the therapist
said that I need to retrain how I think, so I pondered on what I thought that meant.
Her suggestion didn’t seem to work for me, , it was to wear a rubber band on my
wrist and every time I had a negative thought pass through my mind I was to
snap the rubber band I seriously would have never stopped snapping that rubber
band, there had to be a better way… There was.
I researched and pondered enough to know that really what I
needed was to know that I am doing something extraordinary with my life. (still
having troubles seeing it but I am feeling the positive energy now whereas
before I felt more negative energy.) Most
nights I go to bed doing the same thing over and over and watching everyone
else succeed in life and I am there to guide them, being a stay at home mom is
one of the most hardest but most rewarding job there is. Although I will say
when you are in the thick of raising kids and helping your husband succeed in
his job it’s hard see the accomplishments you are doing. Talk about a personal development downer huh? No
wonder I don’t feel happy right? I mean I do what I can with the time and
crazines of the day that I can do and hope and pray for an easy bed time. (we
really like evening prayers that end with please help us all to get some sleep,)
just so I can have some time to myself. Which is something my therapist said I
need a lot more of, I wish I know what that was, it truly sounds amazing to
have time to myself but then I think ohh lisa that is so selfish and self
centered, normal good moms don’t need that me time stuff, and besides you will
get that when your kids are going to school during the day,( if that day ever
comes.)
So now that you know all my back stories here are my tips
about positive thinking:
First thing I do every morning, is think or write down these
5 things, (I really like writing things down, that way it’s not in my brain any
more. )
1.
List 5 things your grateful for
2.
3 things you accomplished yesterday
3.
How can you make someone smile today
4.
How can you show love to someone today
5.
How can you surprise some one today
6.
And how can you have fun today.
The list can be simple or long,
the reason for this exercise is to start the day off with positive thoughts and
energy, I truly believe positive energy attracts more positive energy, and negative
energy attracts more negative energy, start your morning off positive and your
day might be more positive because you are thinking more positive.
I came up with these questions
from a you tube video from Brendon Burchard, a life coach and new York best
selling author, I had a take it or leave it attitude but I am a believer in positive
thinking and Brendon helped with this. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCySH3WVP-5d4aJIfn8-WoPA
You might say to yourself I am not a writer, or I will pick
and chose one or two of these questions but I can’t commit to doing all of
them. That is fine stick with it, do the
first two every day and start building onto it. I take about 15 minutes each
morning. I also am finding that it’s a very creative time for me which I
crave. I have found that this exercise
is tough to start. I originally had an alarm set on my phone to ponder the 6
questions but that wasn’t very helpful as I forgot what I was thinking and I
needed to write it down not just think about it, but for some people that might
work for them. I needed to retrain my thoughts so writing it down was best for
me.
To be grateful is a virtue all to itself I believe, and one
of the best qualities you can have when it comes to family life. So my lists
are sometimes the simple ones or they can be personal, just be genuine, I think
about it as if my grandchildren or children are reading this. So in the
gratitude part I write about my children’s milestones, and my ah ha moments
that left me speechless. Don’t get me
wrong I also have the I’m grateful for the sunshine and water and a house but I
try to dig a bit deeper.
Accomplishments, oh that’s always a tough one, unless I physically
saw something that I did do, or had done that day I can struggle to write down,
I mean how many times can I say, got all my kids to eat their food or ahh they
are all healthy and sleeping right? But for now my accomplishments are small
like small brush strokes on an impressionist’s painting that will be part of
the big picture.
The next four questions I feel could all be tied into 1
simple question and that is how can I show the ones I love just how much I love
them. The answers to these questions are
usually the small and simple things about life, example how can I show love to
some one: bring some lilac’s to grandma c since lilacs are blooming in our back
yard. Or it is as simple as devoting my whole attention to my husband when he
is talking to me. The key to these four
questions for me is to take one day at a time and one question at a time. I
have found a lot of comfort writing an answer to one of the how to show love questions
from a problem I’ve been dealing with from certain family members. For example
when trying to teach little miss to read I would ponder how to teach her and
love her at the same time, I realized that what she wanted was cuddles and
compliments so when the question how to show love to a family member came up
the next morning I was able to put an action plan together to help little miss
want to read more and it’s been such a blessing.
For me I thought happiness was lots of time for myself so I
could make stuff. Never mind that my house was a mess and that supper was a
frozen something for like the last 3 nights, I was doing what I loved. But lots
of things were missing from our family, like a mom who was loving and caring
because she knows that’s what is really important. I really only cared about
what I wanted to do, and because of that I became grumpy at the world when I couldn’t
have an hour stretch each day to do what I loved. Positive Thinking changed all
that slowly, it took about 2 months to really feel the change but it is worth
doing for my mental well being. I can truly see a transformation in how I perceive
things and how I think.